Titty, Titty, Bang! Bang!
Yesterday, I drove my kid from Atlanta to Mobile. And I had a mammogram. I would sarcastically joke that I don’t know which was more fun, but that wouldn’t be honest. We took a detour through Destin,...
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Haagen Dazed
Yesterday was the kind of awful that only a pint of Haagen Dazs can fix. It started off with another visit to the Breast Specialist. I arrived looking particularly lovely in my unwashed hair, running...
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Shitty Titty Bang Bang
I decided yesterday that Mboob is NOT my friend, and I’m contemplating severing all ties with her and her counterpart, replacing the pair with shiny new ones who will treat me well. For those...
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I’d Rather Be a Dumb Blonde than a Slow Brunette
I got a speeding ticket, and I’m offended. Not about actually getting a ticket because I pretty much deserved it. I’m offended by the actual ticket. I was making my way through the town of McRae,...
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It’s Not the Needle That Bothers Me
I love Chick-Fil-A unsweetened tea. In fact, I love it so much that I’ve instructed my children to cremate me and sprinkle my ashes in the drive-thru of Chick-Fil-A when I die. A few sips of the...
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Breast Wishes
Two days before my biopsy, I saw my therapist. Donna listened to my whining about having surgery for all of twenty seconds before telling me that I needed a new way of looking at things. I wasn’t...
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Shitty Titty Bang Bang (Part 2)
I’m stuck in a giant booby trap. This past August, I had a biopsy on my right breast, more affectionately known as Mboob, because of some suspicious calcifications that showed up in my yearly...
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